Wadiddewww, mayne?

2010-10-10T02:10:00.002+08:00

Salam world.

I sometimes don't understand why people i barely know confide in me so much.
not that it bothers...
but for some people, i wish i hadn't known too much.

it's like...
they confide..
ask me for help...
and poof!

after that i'm DUST.
yea you heard me right.

DUST.

today a friend told me
"be selfish for once"

and selflessly i told her,
i can't.

O Allah why?
You know how i feel.

it's like i pine hopes... and before i know it,
it's all taking a turn for the worst.

Please give me strength.

for i know this wouldn't end just like that.

Sometimes i wished i was a little colder than i am.

But then again,
Islam never teaches us to be cold.

Astaghfirullah.

2010-09-06T16:51:00.002+08:00

Watching live telecast in Makkah now.

O Allah... i miss it so much.

Ramadhan this year has been particularly special... I feel special at least.
Yeah some of you have been wondering perhaps.
Why the changes?

My answer to you? It's all in the Qur'an.

There are times I have been swayed... But this Ramadhan brought me closer to Allah.
Alhamdulillah.

You can adapt to the changes?
I'm sorry. I'm just following Allah's commands. I'm trying to be a better Muslim who obeys His orders.

If you still can't accept it....
Well, like what Baba Ali of Ummah Films said regarding guys who don't want their girls to be hijab-ed,
"you gotta drop (them) like a bad habit cause (they) ain't worth it"

And yes sisters :)

You've just got another fellow Hijabbi here!!!!!

I used to don it because I felt that the situation was deemed inappropriate if I don't....
Or that I feel obliged by my parents.....
Or just because I feel like it.

But NOW,

Alhamdulillah, Allah has guided me. Given me guidance, given me a stronger faith.
SubhanAllah.
I am going to wear it for Allah S.W.T, to follow His commands, to please Nabi Muhammad S.A.W =)
if Allah knows BEST, and makes it obligatory for women to be hijabbed and dress modestly...
just what harm can be in it?
He knows BEST, hence anything He makes us obliged to do is BEST for us.
May Allah continue to guide us, and all the other girls out there, Insya-Allah.

I'm gonna end this post with a quote!

[2:256] There is no compulsion in religion, for the right way is clearly from the wrong way. Whoever therefore rejects the forces of evil and believes in God, he has taken hold of a support most unfailing, which shall never give way, for God is All Hearing and Knowing. -Al-Qur'an

or maybe another quote.

[An-Nur 24.31] And say to the believing women that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts and do not display their ornaments except what appears thereof, and let them wear their head-coverings over their bosoms, and not display their ornaments except to their husbands or their fathers, or the fathers of their husbands, or their sons, or the sons of their husbands, or their brothers, or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or those whom their right hands possess, or the male servants not having need (of women), or the children who have not attained knowledge of what is hidden of women; and let them not strike their feet so that what they hide of their ornaments may be known; and turn to Allah all of you, O believers! so that you may be successful.

(i'm gonna have to study now!!!!)

Assalamualaikum! :)

2010-09-03T04:14:00.002+08:00

SubhanAllah.
Walhamdulillah
Walaillahailallahu
Allahu Akbar Wallah haula wala kuwwata illa billahillailiyyilazhiem...

i'm searching... i'm searching for The Light.

Ya Allah. Guide this servant of Yours.

I never felt this way before... so overwhelmed. Subhanallah.

Astaghfirullahallazhim. Ya Allah. Forgive me of my sins.

2010-09-02T17:41:00.001+08:00

These are a street delicacy from Thailand called 'Khanom Bueng'. They look so delicate and sweeeeeet. Always wondered how they tasted like. Hmmz.

2010-09-02T17:32:00.003+08:00

Ramadhan's leaving :-(

last few days, last few days. time to speed up!!!!

truth is, i haven't been mugging properly.

i need motivation. :-(

OK zee PUCKER UP time to zoom zoom zoom thru those facts, theories, concepts ok?

I CAN DO THIS.

sigh.

2010-09-01T06:21:00.003+08:00

pardon my prev cursing posts. jason used my account again.
well the boy is now in cali, LA doing his thang in dance.
there goes somebody from my life....... since he's pretty much gonna settle there.

ray is off to aussie too.
hope all's good for her. her health too. both she and sister exchange mails with me occassionally. and since she can type, it's probably telling me her condition's improving.

yeah i know, it was kinda overwhelming to cope with.
there was this point i missed them so much. i guess its a feeling that'll come and go.
it just sucks when it comes though.

ok so i can't fast.... 10 last days.
redha, zee redhaaaa.

new world order.

2010-07-24T09:01:00.003+08:00

Damn. Seriously, the world is going crazy.

Yesterday was too much for me to handle. Yeah of course it made me happy, I made new friends, real friends. What more can I ask for? Keith, yonghan and gerald were really nice to talk to. What made me happier was the little secret of mine that they now know of. Well maybe now its not so little anymore, thanks to the help of some communicator (s).

I'm just so sick of everyone judging everyone. When I was in crescent, life was so much different, so much easier, so much clearer. Yeah YOU are probably gonna say well zee, this ain't crescent anymore, you gotta see more of life. LIKE WTF, is life seriously all that bad?
You can stick to your own views. BUT I'M NOT YOU. sorry friend.

I was so taken aback yesterday. I told you alright, I have that much conscience in me to not let such LITTLE issues affect me okay? I HAVE more important, life-shaken issues to handle that you don't know of. Don't assume you know so much about me. I know what you're like. I know what to say and what not to say to you. Yeah you have the other two whom you keep calling your own and you keeo saying i'm not part of them. well damn right, I ain't part of you guys.
I don't wanna be cliqued to just a group of people. I want to be free, I want to mix around with others. I was really shocked yesterday.

Why did you have to bring the issue up? Do you know them that well to have that enough trust in them? FYI, i know some people there long before you knew them, just that i never told you.
And you kept bringing it up. "I didn't know I was so sociable"

you are NOT that sociable. You're just taken in by them.
You could have just sat with us to talk to us right? I had so much fun talking to yonghan and gerald.
Even they had the conscience to ask "Why is she talking to him about you?"
"What is she talking about ah?" "Is she flirting?"

Seriously, GET A GRIP.

I was happy, or more like i forced myself to be in front of you because i didn't want to hurt you.
But inside, i was burning like fire.
I believe that keith, gerald and yonghan doesn't deserve to see me getting upset just a few hours after getting to know them.
I don't know what to say anymore. I'm just... disgusted in some way. Prolly shaken too.

i don't bother about what others say, they can talk all they want. eventually they'll know what's the truth and what's not. Besides these people don't know who I am. I don't bother!
It's different if you know me well, and you turn your back against me.
These people don't know me, I don't know them either.
I'll be taking away my life if I want to bother so much about it.

The only thing that gets me now is the kind of look, the kind of BOTHERING expressions these group of people might give. I know somehow in someway I would get affected. But i know i'm stronger than all that. It's gonna get over, it'll die off, people will forget.

To the dude of the same age as me, thanks for the talk, but I AM NOT OBSESSED.
i'm not gonna like commit suicide just because of a minor thing man.
I just like the way he is. It doesn't mean I have to be with him or marry him or give up my life for him.
FYI, i'm not like any other girl out there. If you know me you'll know what I mean.
He's just a pleasant sight. You agreed with me didn't you?
You told me I'll get tired after some time. We'll see.

Maybe other girls would. Maybe not me. Maybe.
We'll still see.

Seriously, i don't see anything wrong in this.
My intention of putting it on my status was because there were people around me who had a thing for him too and i thought it was subtle enough.
Maybe i'm naive. I didn't know people would actually bother visiting my page, or even read my status.
I don't know man, i don't know.
I swear if there's one thing i could avoid in this world right now or before, it was about letting people know of the little rendezvous i have in my life. this was the first time such a matter was blown up, that too, for no right reason. There was a reason why i told you to stop talking about him around me. there was a reason why i kept quiet when you mention him. there was a reason why i didn't want to follow you to places that i might chance upon him. There was a reason for EVERYTHING.

yeah you'll prolly hate me as hell after reading this, that's if you read.
but seriously, i don't think i deserved that kind of reaction from you.
you just wait and see.
the consequences of your actions.
just wait and see.

i'm dreading just the thought of it.

2010-07-20T11:33:00.002+08:00

you know i just HATE it when some friends come to you

when they need your point of view or perspective, or just a listening ear,

and once they achieve what they've wanted everything's just gone like that,

even personal integrity?

seriously sia.

KEEP your mouth to yourself.

You know how its like when people talk about you and your girl right?

i kept your word you jerk.

stop making a big deal out of a crazy crush of mine.

THANK you.

esp since you're working with another moron who hates me for no reason.

2010-07-19T17:35:00.002+08:00

you gotta put yourself in their shoes. you gotta put yourself in their shoes.

REALLY? are we ALL doing that?

try putting ourselves in the shoes of the less abled,

try putting ourselves in the shoes of the dying,

try putting ourselves in the shoes of the POOR,

try putting ourselves in the shoes of everyone who's not us.

since when have we ever done that?!

WE'VE NEVER.

we can shun people, bitch about them, ignore them.
and that's all because it never hit our conscience what it could've been when 'them' becomes 'us'.

2010-07-18T20:15:00.003+08:00

sometimes i am so weak
sometimes i am so strong

for all you know, this ugly heart could be yours.

2010-07-18T20:15:00.001+08:00

I LOVE JENNA LIM JIA YU!!!!!!!!!! :)

till eternity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-17T10:27:00.002+08:00

i feel lie visiting the orphanage today and meet the kids. or meet her before she leaves for Aussie. i don't feel like going to watch Inception today... Maybe next week.

My head hurtssss i'd rather use the time today to rest and do work.

sorry jingheng sophia and alex's bro!!!

maybe next time yeh.

work's piling. i gotta complete them.

Miss Independent.

2010-07-17T10:21:00.003+08:00

"You're NAZEERA, and you should let people know that."

for the first time, my insecurities were replied with so much reassurance.
Amirah Hanis. Thank you so much. <3
I'm a girl, just like any other girl who worries about the littlest things on earth.
life's taught me what to bother and what not to bother about
so sometimes people see me as someone who doesn't break

but truth is, i'm still human, and i do.

That girl, will be long gone. long gone.

2010-07-14T12:06:00.002+08:00

such are the simple joys of life.

hafriz told me good news for him during marketing lecture,
feel so happy for him :-)

its so nice to see others happy.

2010-07-12T22:04:00.002+08:00

hell yes.

seeing you over the weekend was bliss.
To know that you're embarking on a journey for your recovery but leaving me here hurts as hell,
But hey,
we know how to keep our souls entwined, don't we? :)

I'll send you off in august with a light heart, i hope.

2010-07-12T22:02:00.003+08:00

felt so good to meet jingheng :D

THAnk YOu FOR NEW PEOPLE.

was hesitating to text you if you wanted some goodies i baked just now......
hesitated. and i didn't.

What's wrong with you?

i hate people who think they can control my life,
or self appoint themselves domineering positions.

You haven't seen the worst yet.

2010-07-12T22:01:00.002+08:00

it's your body we'll go hard if you want to,
loud if you want to,
soft if you want to.

Just lay your body right here i'll give you sex therapy, sex theraphy.
-Robin Thicke

FUCKING ORGASMIC MUSIC

2010-07-12T22:00:00.001+08:00

you can be so close but so fucking distant just like that.

sorry, i'm not bothered anymore. it's your loss.
YES i have that much pride.
Not as bad as yours at least.

2010-07-10T16:06:00.002+08:00

You're talkin to a stranger, I ain't that girl anymore.

that girl is LONG GONE

i'm not drowning in my yesterdays, bet you never thought i'd be this strong eh?
you're not talking to the same girl who used to forgive you.

Jason's calls were the best comforts i could seek lately,

but he told me, "You're far more talented than almost anybody I know. Put it to use, let your magic work and there are millions of hearts you can enlighten out there. Leave those m********ers. You've made me more happy than anyone can in my life. You can make everyone else too. Come one man, wipe your tears. Go bake some brownies, get your dad to drive up here and send me your love. Better still, if you can drive here on your own... *cheeky laugh*"

which reminds me, i need to apply for my license.

jason deserves more than this, if i had my way i'd drive to meet you every weekend, or take some coach, whatever.

he's only got a few months till his big leave.

I'll visit you again before that aight?
or you can pop by here anytime :)

to the guy who doesn't believe in technology's way of victimization (as he calls it) and uses my various indentification accounts to access to it, you're the best guy in this world man.

Alicia is fckin lucky.

i can't wait to play with your babies please get married soon thank you <3

2010-07-10T15:42:00.001+08:00

People tell me i should stop being nice.

I really wonder how i should tell them its not about me being nice to people...

It's about me, being ME.

2010-07-10T15:39:00.001+08:00

and nobody knows it.... but me.

you know how it feels like,
when you put in SO much............. you VALUE someone so much,
that when they hurt you once, and every other time,
its like killing you slowly?

Friends. I know who my real friends are.

I thought it was all we ever need.

i was wrong.

2010-06-30T12:45:00.002+08:00

SIGH. I WANT THIS.

THANK YOU BBYGIRL :D

2010-06-23T23:59:00.003+08:00

he makes me feel so warm.
why are you so far away?

yes, i need to meet you. i need to.

if it takes so much courage for that, what about what i've always been doing?

i knew of the lauding, i was just ignoring, thinking this could be changing, its what i've always been believing when eventually nothing was actually evolving.

hanz harman hazzie hayyu hanisah hazel wan kenneth myo roger jean farihah nabilah

fucking dope people in my life :)

2010-06-23T22:46:00.002+08:00

but i never changed.

AND I'm not the sort to change for the sake of others, need i say again?

i'm not like you, and you. OR you.

2010-06-23T22:40:00.002+08:00

remember that time you asked about 3 people?
you were insecure.

because you were guilty. just like her.

well go ahead, i have better things to do and be happy about.
i always told you what i clearly felt, because i felt you deserved it.
i was wrong.
i never ran away.

i feel deceived.

haha but i'm used to it la.

go go go, you don't need a bitch like me to be a friend :)

i always told you i saw things differently, guess i still do.

i won't bother fighting, eventually you'll realise.

this is not goodbye from me to you, but from you to me.

take care of your heart, friend.

BFFs?

fucking bullshit.

2010-06-23T11:35:00.002+08:00

i don't even turn anymore :)

dope.

mama made bruschetta with baked beans today <3

i made joanne angry.

because of COCKroaches.

I'M SORRY.

joanne goh.
you are truly a beautiful being.
please don't be angry.
(zi yi is being an ass)
i'm sorry for those emoticons.
you are the cutest thing on earth with sparkly eyes, peachy skin that turns gorgeously red under the impulse of blushing moments, you're a girl full of wonder.

all hail joanne goh.
*bows to joanne*
i'm sorry

OK LECTURE IS BORING UGH

2010-06-22T18:59:00.004+08:00

Time to get busy.

I can't wait for time to move fast.
DECEMBER! let's hope uncle gets it ;)
and nabz does well!!!

rhys is flying in from perth for 2 weeks, i'll get to spend my hols with a hot ang moh,
rudin's coming in from there too, i'll get to be driven around, or maybe, its ME who's gonna do that.

and of course, i'll pay a visit to melacca! again. for jason's sake...............
the only guy who's been there when i'm up or down, who insults me like mad but loves me more than his fucking dope pair of SUPRAS, who used my fb account to stalk on other people and post nonsensical status-es, who has access to almost anything in my life, esp my heart.

if there's one guy i'd run away from for hugs, its him.
he'll tickle. and i'll jiggle (quoted by him -.-) if you're reading this, i love you baby.
:)
come back here and perform man...

i want the best 2 weeks of my life back before you're gone for real...... to LA.
:(

sunshine's doing fine... i guess her fam's pretty much settled on migrating. i'll do what needs to be done yeah. :)
your sis kept me informed of everything. before august, you'll know what i have known.
keep your heart beating, and live for your will. Allah's with you. Always in my prayers.

don't even mention about lock and keys to me.

i miss getting cake orders.
i haven't even tried aunty lin's recipe. i miss having to earn 250 just like that.
baking's an amazing skill.

i miss weddings.
abang needs to get married soon, so i can see my girls too.
speaking of which, THEY HAVEN'T VISITED ME IN SCHOOL!!!!
:(

i miss cik yam. cik yaya.

i miss............
being loved.
the warmth, the feel of being loved, being worthy of people around you.

i never MISSED feeling this way in crescent.

as much as i want to deny, i kinda dislike poly life a little.
each time you see me saying 'i love coming to sch, i look forward to school!!!!"
its just me convincing my little, vulnerable, weak self inside. :)

utmost pet peeve: deceitful people.

seriously, fuck off. i can't stand pretense. i'm not you.

2010-06-16T01:59:00.002+08:00

you were special, still special in my eyes. why did you have to say that?
why did you?
am i that horrible? the despicable? that ugly? that mean?
she was close to me, as close as we agreed on sisterhood.
how did you think i had such thoughts of her?
she's beautiful, a nice girl.
everyone has their pros and cons. and when i'm angry i tend to spillover thing but if you were truly a friend who new me you'd know i never meant it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how could you? just how could you!?!??!?!!?
you told me i don't feel guilty for making you so tensed!!!!!!!!!!!
you had no fucking idea how worried i was! you had no idea how much i thought abt it!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were the first guy to make me feel not all guys in this world were the same.

you say she's the closest to you, and you're telling ME, about it?
can you imagine how i felt?!?!
you say i don't understand her, you say i'm the cause of it all!
you think i asked for this?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

these flaws i got, they're a part of who i am, FRIEND.
take me or not its up to you!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm not the kind of girl to put on a fake front just to please others. if you think i'm just like any other girl out there you're so fucking wrong.

I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M FUCKIGN CRYING SO BAD NW AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE MYSELF
I FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT

i don't know what i am to the 2 or 3 of you, you all were my friends and will always be.
what i am to you... i have no idea.
maybe i'm just like dust. or worser.
oh yeah i'm abitch.
i hate others.
i accuse others.

one more thing, seriously, don't talk about trust if you don't know what its about.
i've lost trust in each of you. just..................... ditch me cause i''m a bitch.

friends are closest to me, on par with family.
and for a friend like you...
one word of shame, blame... and you've scarred me.
once i'm scarred... you have no idea how it gets.

when i'm different in sch don't aks me anything

you shouldn't bother, i'm too flawful for you

if God knows i'm imperfect,
who are YOU to put pressure on me?

its 2 going to 3 in the morning and i'm crying

and i have a trip with my family later.

you've officially made my life so.... damn worthy huh?

thanks.

she's a million times more worth it, or them... whatever. go to them.
come to me onyl when you need help.
well that's what everyone is doing right now.
you should be like them :)

I HATE THIS. :'(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-09T17:28:00.003+08:00

its just so amazing, the power of you making millions all over the world smile.

it's funny how you make my day even without talking to me. imagine how i felt, when you did :)

the power, of Mass Communication, they say.

2010-06-02T03:07:00.002+08:00

Is this really happening?

for real?

did you really say all those stuff to me?

2010-06-02T03:01:00.003+08:00

right.
so you're not happy with me.
and you're sarcastic.
great.
awesome.
wonderful.

How could you even think i'd let it slip off my mind without feeling guilty at all?
How could you?

and for God's sake,
i AM moving on.

shaun, you ain't got no reason to talk about such shit.
i'm not stupid. I'm fucking hurt for real now, just hope i don't give you attitude when i see you cause that's gonna suck.

i AM already moving on.
One foot's off, just waiting for the other.

But below it all,
you're a really good friend and i don't want such shit to bring all these down. You telling me it all ain't worth it?

You shared with me a portion of your heart on our bus rides,
i felt so close, so respectful of you.

in the end, you're telling me i'm all out against you.

when i'm the one feeling like you have something against me instead.

i'm sorry i'm not good enough a friend for you.
i love you, still (as a friend.)

You just killed my mood for everything.
I feel so hopeless.
Thank You.

2010-05-29T23:28:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry.

She's my friend. But what she's doing isn't right.

Well, not right in my eyes, and maybe some others too...

I just don't want you to get hurt.

Yeah well I like you.... and all. But if you want to go for some other girl,

and it makes you happy...

Go ahead. (look at previous post)

But I want her to be the right girl. Not some girl that can crash and burn you.

Because you're not like any other guy that I know of.

You're different.

I can look horrible and still feel good with you.

I can look into your eyes and feel so safe.

I can laugh and act coy with you.

FYI, I don't act coy just like that.

But I can with you.

I just feel different around you.

Somehow, I wished you felt the same too.

2010-05-29T23:27:00.000+08:00

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F-— YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

And I use them all the time on You.

2010-05-28T01:48:00.001+08:00

chillin in the spot so hot, fellas walk by and try to get up in your face to holla

2010-05-28T01:41:00.001+08:00

Its not my posession to be posessive over. It's our friendship. You've got too much swag to bother about it.

2010-05-27T12:29:00.001+08:00

I love you. Mahal Kita. Te amour. Jet'aime.

2010-05-27T12:27:00.000+08:00

2010-05-26T21:29:00.003+08:00

you know what really hurts for me?
I may a drama queen, a fake, a bitch, an over reactive hoo-haa freak, a crying fucktard or whatever horrible to some.
but that's just me.
you can't handle me, don't bear with me. shove it on my face. I'M NOT DUMB TO NOT GET THE POINT.

every single day i thank god for having people like you around,
people like you, shaun, esp ziyi and of course joanne, kathy, wendy, dhaneesha, khairul, monica.
when i observe you, its just how i admire people who has that level of innocence (i don't give a damn if you're not, its just how i look at you) and when i say you're cute, i see almost everything in the world cute. seriously. not that i don't find you cute but just say it for fun, but i really do find you cute.

Dear donovan taim, i'm sorry if i have provoked you in any way.
I know at some point of time you have achieved mutualness with me and i will truly miss it.
I am a bitch, possibly a ho to you. But you will still remain as a really good friend to me.
it was my fault for not understanding you. it was my fault. you're not the first don. previously each time i try to do things for someone they mistake me for the wrong reasons. can't help it can i? i'm a bitch. you've been great. it'd be even greater if you never were so weird. no you're not weird. i am. yeah cause i'm a ho and a bitch.

i'm aware of myself.
ugly, fat, bitch. drama, fucking annoying, loud, noisy whatever.
you don't deserve me. don't need to be confused anymore.
go to her.
you'll love her.
look at her, she's so gorgeous, no?
don't come back to me.

when i talk to you and demand for you not to make or keep me happy, i mean it.
i get hurt easily. i'm so vulnerable i feel so broken inside for even the slightest things, i just don't show it.
he's your devil right, you can be his angel :)
all the best to the two of you.

i'm just so tired.

tired of being used, tired of being misunderstood, tired of hoping, tired for your breaths, tired for bothering so much about others, tired for explaining myself, just tired.
i won't fight for you anymore
i won't fight for anyone

some time ago, a man said this to me
"You must have been a really blessed girl. I have never seen anyone work so much for another person in my life. People have misunderstood you, my dear. The world's too cold for anyone as sweet as you"
And i'll never forget him.

Maybe its time i be a real bitch. i say it all the time. but i can never do it.
tell me,

is it really my fault to have such a soft spot for things?

2010-05-25T09:30:00.002+08:00

Blogging during a lecture.
I just needed to debut.

Life....... (okay i'm not gonna start with the usual line again)

So well everything's pretty much planned.
I'm meeting Rhys and Patrick during the end year holiday and mid year respectively
kinda nervous for pat cause we don't know each otha too well
yeah yeah Stetcher. Yep you got it. If hayyu were to read this she's gonna go crazy

i'm bout to get back on the roll.. time to get busy, time to get more disciplined. fo real.

Once 550D makes its way to my life, i might start YT channel so look out for it!
And then routines would start... and mama wants me to get back to bizznessssss

So yeh sounds tiring enough just to visualize no?

Soulmate and me made a pact this year that we'd both get hooked up by this year but NO that ain't gonna happen. maybe for a beautiful girl like her, or if i meet MAWAAN and only him haha

okay if you're psychological enough, there's underlying meaning above

wished i could fly to east london now sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i don't know why. he makes me happy.... just like that. like its so simple. its not like he's doing anything at all.
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

alright imma update in the next post where imma post a vid link aye ;_

2010-05-23T04:27:00.001+08:00

i have this burning desire to fly to africa right now. don't ask why.

Deeper, deepest conversation.

2010-05-23T04:17:00.001+08:00

shaun makes the girls in the world really want to kick him in the nuts.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

2010-05-23T04:12:00.001+08:00

"pulse rate normal"

she's getting better! she'll get the best. soon.

my blessings are yours.

2010-05-23T04:08:00.000+08:00

Make room for the vultures. This beat is sick.

2010-05-23T03:42:00.002+08:00

Life's been funny.

In the past week i've got individuals showing the other side of them, the side where you can see or achieve just like that.
And i've been shocked by them.
Because what is them is not what it really seems to be at all.
sometimes i wished i never got close to anybody. so i won't feel the hurt of not being able to be any help at all.

School's been fun. Joanne Lambert is such a sibei cuteeeeeee gal. Kathy Lock is such a pleasant sight to the eyes.......... sigh~~~ and of course. Mr zhang zi yi makes me happy all the time <3

Not to mention donovan :) who is actually one verrrrry funny dude. shaun is badass, but its sexy. shaun's got a very nice smile. He probably doesn't know i find him one of the most good looking dudes in our class!

i can't wait for dance training. bout time i keep fit. i rmbr each year i tell my homies i want a body like beyonce, yet never achieve it. that year should come. SOON.
i need to start training again. miss having a personal trainer in a personal gym like how we used to roll in crescent.

Sometimes i look at myself in the mirror and wonder why people bother talking to me.... you know sometimes we have those days where we look into the mirror and feel.... disgusted?
i feel that half the time but i don't show it :)
people usually form the impression that i am confident. that maybe i am. but i got my moments too.

it means i should get working.
gotta work on the guns and buns. hahahah and muffins and whatever.

i want to fly around the world and let the people know how much i love them.

i must start my routines soon!

Workload: factshit, jayone proposal, semantic noize wurkshit.

argh.
i needa do something bout my hair. so annoying.

I love mawaan. and nabhaan.

550D STANDARD KIT 1 COME SOON!!!! imma make videos for the wurlddddddddd <3
:)

2010-05-13T16:44:00.001+08:00

I really really really like you. So much that little things you do hurt me.

Goodbye

2010-05-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

why didn't you tell me earlier. I can be serious as hell if you want me to.

Don't ask why next time, you asked for it.

2010-05-07T08:56:00.000+08:00

"you are one cute little thing"

oh snap. i really like you.

2010-05-04T22:22:00.006+08:00

Its okay :)

its fine. its gonna be fine.

I'm one aggressive, better yet "fierce" human being.

I've been nurtured to be a soft natured being on the inside while on the out i may seem as violent as a hurricane (when i'm unhappy) of course.

It sucks, i've a tendency to succumb to emotions and sometimes just act to deal with it without being practical.

I'm sorry. To the beautiful girl out there who's as strong as ever, and will always be... (rmbr, you're born, to be strong) Today i witnessed the fact that we were both moving a step ahead together. Yes an issue was brought up, there were some unhappiness.... but now that i'm calmed myself, i'd like to look at it in a brighter light dear. "Friends" can sustain a friendship with casual talks, occassional hi-s and bye-s and so on... but "close friends" can fight, cry, get angry with each other and most importantly, live life more meaningfully.

It takes a lot for one to achieve a certain level of comfort with someone. Imagine... when we first knew each other on the first day, did it ever cross our minds that we'd face this someday? You'd never laugh or be yourself with someone you're all stiff with.

When one gets angry or shed tears to or with someone else, it shows that you are free to be yourself with his/her. & we all know, that's not something that can be achieved with just a *snap.

and when one shares something, personal stories, or anything else... when one has mutual communication and dares to reveal provoked feelings... its no more friendship. its a bond.

you've been a friend, a good one. now you're more than that.

i'll try my best to declare any provocations from now on, and i shall not be hideous anymore....

it was wrong.

I want you to take some time now.. look back. look back throughout your 16 years of life.

How you survived some of God's will, when he took some away from you...

How you went through puberty and faced the challenges of a teenage girl,

How you survived all these years when there are kids who have their lives taken away just a few years after they've been brought to this world.......

Think.

You can sing, perform, dance, communicate, convey, love someone....

while some others have no limbs to perform or to be equipped with skills.. while some others have all the love in the world but just NO ONE, no one to share the love with...

but YOU, you've done all that.

Life's like that. Its how it is.

You should always love, and dedicate to your rights as a being in this cold cold world.

once again, i'm telling you, now more than just a friend, more than just reallllly good friends but as someone who'd promise to try to be there for you when you need anything, someone who'd be more than willing to listen to you, someone who'd forge a beautiful bond with you...

that....................

You're beautiful.

You're amazing.

You're skilled and talented.

So no shizz should bring a girl like you down. Never.

I love You, sista =)

And this.........................................................................

Is for you, Kathy.

2010-05-04T21:50:00.001+08:00

i should just stick to fiona and doraemon as my diary. will blog if i find it necessary to share with the world :)

Live, Laugh, Love.
Love you.

2010-05-01T21:49:00.003+08:00

I feel so horrible right now.

Allah, please protect my family.
Please shower them with happiness. Direct all untowardness to me, please give them the best of health. I love you mama, ayah, nazri.

:'-(

It hurts me so much when i cry and watch my dad cry upon seeing me.

O Allah, please make my prayers come true. Please. Amin.

2010-04-30T17:38:00.003+08:00

School has been pleasantly blissful :)

I always thought school would be dry... unpleasant... and something that just sounds quesy to my ears. I thank God for classmates. My classmates :)

In cgs i vowed to change as i move to a new environment, especially since its like a whole new environment to me.... with dudes around yknow yknow hahahah. I'm so used to having just dudettes around........ But just during my orientation, I was more than convinced that I'm going to live my life in TP. :)

I had so much fun... so much bliss :)

2010-04-14T00:27:00.001+08:00

sorry need to blog urgently.
my heart damn pain.

once again. why do petty things have to hurt SOOOOOOOOO MUCH?! :(

2010-04-14T00:24:00.001+08:00

its been so long.
its 2010.
:)

which empire are you from?

i can't hear you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(i love you, Zadaz.)

2009-11-14T02:08:00.002+08:00

SOME BACK DATED PICS.........

The day Williams and I hit Cine for some good good after pre-pementasan 08

PRODUCTION DAYYY... explains the THICK make-up

Wayne and Me hahaha i LOVE this pic he looks like he's pattin my head!!!!

Mom... me... HAHAH KIDDING, pharrell's mama, me, pharrell (tak menjadi)

And... look what my friend found! MY OWN QUOTE, UP at the Singapore Arts Museum baby!

did that at a playroom... sketched iman... managed to whip up and abstract of the world... and wrote this quote.... yes, its inspired ultimately originally, soley by yours truly...

was quite shocked when sath went on msn to tell me bout this man!

gonna see it soon and pose beside this hahahahahaha

SO WHO WANTS A DATE WITH ME LET ME KNOW SOON AND YES i'm taking orders for the glorious classic choco chip cookies and madly rich triple choco brownies!

muakzzzzzzzzzzzzz bye world love ya

2009-11-14T01:43:00.004+08:00

~i can't wait to travel and see the wurlddddd!~

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MY O'S ARE OVER CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay time to change this dusty place man

SO DUSTY.

anyways, LIFE'S GOOD (i'm good - clipse ft pharrell style)

been out SINCE THE DAY PAPER ENDED hahaha what the fud right

gonna hit sham's crib layta for a deepavali open house, shop a little and yes, FRIENDS,

IT'S HADIPPA TIME!!!!!!!!!! i got a camera baby.

its so fudding awesome i feel like eating it

i know samsung isn't that recognized for its cameras,

but fud it man,

its 12.2 mp, simple, acessible, comfortable.

I LOVE IT.

gotta listen to what the photo guru said mahhh (kenneth aka kevin from the backstreet boys aka mr photographer aka shy boy)

he said i gotta be comfy with the camera, which i am!!!!!!!

so friends, behold.

yall are gonna get to see some aphrodisiacs, absolutely delightful indulgence of culinary experiences, colours of life (MY life), abstract artistically angled photos soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't wait man.

=)

chalets, bbqz, production, business MAN IMMA BUSY LADY

but hell yeah all these are givin me the thrill which i kinda... adore despite the fact that i do get intimidated of my capabilities of doing my best in all that i do you seeeeeeee

imma emcee again, yeah second round, hopefully i get the script done, if not impromptu shall be it.

CAN'T WAIT FOR PROMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

i got this like long empire waisted long sleeved dress, not very moulin rouge but who cares

i wonder who's the yeeeeeeeeeeediot who suggested this theme.

seriously man, IT'S PROM DAMNIT not like a costume party

OH WHATEVER man

alright so i'm gonna do makeup for a few people, i just hope i have time for myselffffff

gotta turn my swag on that night eyyyy

JAYZ is so kaypo omg omg omg eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ok la not his fault he gotta come but I WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

his amazing aura with such beautiful tanned brown honey-like skin and gorgeous curls with his really really enchantingly cute smile would make me feel like a statue

HE'S LIKE GONNA BE MY FOOD FOR THE NIGHT because i'd prolly be too stiff to eat damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

but oh well

"if there's one person i'd like to thank for this award, that would be JAY... for puttin a ring on it"

-Ms Beyonce Knowles, EMAs 2009

congrats beyyyyyy

no big deal, it was expected for an amazing performer like ya

=)

i hope i'll look fine for prom man ah its so annoying to think about it grrrrrrrrr

ANYWAY FRIENDS

HERE'S MA WISHLIST FOR ehem my bday EHEHEHEHE ok no la just a wishlistttt:

MAKEUP BRUSH SET

A PRANK CALL FROM MUTTONS OR FIZA O

LOVE FROM ALL I LOVE

CERAMIC BAKING POTS

EYELINER

DUNKS DUNKS DUNKS DUNKS DUNKS PLEASE

HOOP EARRINGSSSSSSSS GHETTO STYLE

&, &, &,

JAY-Z :)

thank you friends k i feel sleepy bye muah muah yumzzzzzz

love yall

peace & love aightzzzzzzz

2009-10-02T03:36:00.002+08:00

Hola world! :)
yeah its been some time i know, and don't ask me why i'm blogging at this hour hahaha
i think this place is so dead.
maybe i should start telling others my blog was rejuvenated since i told a few that is already deleted (see la itchy mouth tsk)
okaiz i feel so strained la.
everybody's been like talking bout prelims results and all....
ok here's a confession k.
I NEVER STUDIED!
yes wow hahahah yeah i did a bit for humans, but i gave up on my sciences.
like what the hell, who ask them to put prelims in midst of raya?!
but its okay, at least I AM STUDYING now.
I wouldn't wanna screw my Os either, I hope the teachers know.
I'm so sleepy... but i gotta do my SBQ now. sigh.

oh and yesterday i had salmon!
awesome, awesome salmon.
hahah i'm a salmon freak. okay la more like, fish freak with salmon as an exception heehee
speaking of which, after Os, I'm gonna go on an exquisite food tour all around singapore!
;)
wanna join me? yeah i'm an avid foodie, in case you didn't know. but i don't blog about the food i ate and all lately cause my digi cam died on me. spoilt lah.
probably gonna rush down aft sch later to get a new one!
i've been missing on too much sweet moments already and i love taking photos to capture them.
so i better get my ass to get it!
hmm oh and yes,

shoutout to mr farhan, yo ;)
he's a relative of mine who's got a beautiful, beautiful sister!
had a good time chatting with him yesterday.
i do hope everything clears up soon fer ya aight? you know you deserve a lot more ;-)
must come visit my house ok!!!

oh and last night, i watched Siti Mastura's Vanila.
My review? 0.5/10
HAHAHA
why?
she's so unflexible in front of the camera, there's no flow, there's so much stiffness
and the idea of following the westerners in having picnics over a grass patch but with a small mat clearly unable to accomodate three people and wearing so much glam sham just for it was horrible.
maybe its because i share the same passion as her that i'm criticizing so much. heeheehee.
(wahlao give me chance can? you know i rarely do this...)
yeah and then whatever recipes she gave yesterday was too basic!
does she think that singaporeans don't know how to bake?
she claims she owns a school, when its actually just a shophouse where she holds classes at
my mom attended her full course by the way.
about 5K, but i always knew that for such a price, she could get better baking lessons.
and well yeah she did, after she indulged in another module of baking when she 'graduated' from siti's class.
maybe she lacks sincerity in what she does, besides well, honesty. which obviously is key to everything else.
when i watched the show, i couldn't feel her passion for baking.
all i felt was her ego booming from all the praises from her sisters, who were also featured in the half hour show.
besides, the show was like a copycat.
it lacks originality.
she was probably imagining herself as rachel allen man hahahah
but truthfully, i'd rather watch rachel.
i think the show could've been better with some uniqeness. it shouldn't be too westernized.
maybe they could portray how her mother-in-law used to teach her baking... and maybe they could show how she bakes and then organizes a mini hi-tea everytime after it and the cameraman could record how she mingles with her guests.
oh boy i am so sleepy!

alright till here, world.
peace and love yall.
:)
<3

2009-08-31T02:17:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep!

What's with all the energy man...........

2009-08-31T00:36:00.003+08:00

Salam world...

time flies past so fast and ten beautiful days of Ramadhan are gone....
shall make the best of what we all have left aight :)

went for tarawikh just now...
it was amazing...

i think a lot of yall are wondering why i'm getting more and more.... on the pious side lately.
i've no idea myself.
its just a sub conscious change i'm experiencing.
but oh well, its all good isn't it!

hmm prelims been horrible.
been bucking up on my bio.
literature just turns me completely OFF now.
life's been okay... hehehe.

baby's been...... cheekier?
he's like getting more and more naughty! tsk tsk tsk (roll ya eyes oh homies hahaha)
i've no idea where we're getting really but...
i've been noticing.
he's changing....
i'd prefer the ol' simpleton him, but he's getting more and more vain lately
well i mean, prior to the fact that i know he's a real rock music fan and having him to listen to rnb and hip hop is just..... i don't know.
he's been wearing dunks too yall know.....
i've no idea what signs i'm getting.
maybe he's doing it to attract one's attention, but well only he knows what he's tryna do
he doesn't even talk to me la that noodlehead
hahahahahah
but frankly, the simple, mysterious, cranky him is what i loved him for... ;-)

i'm gonna try and make carrot halwa soon.
sounds good, no?
been wanting to make it since long!
maybe i'll bring some for yall to sample
like my burfi :)

i love trey songz's voice!!!!!!
(put ma number in ya phone, baby girl stop playin')

oh yes king friz the awesome had left.... leaving a lasting legacy behind in cgs hahaha
missed him, but not so much yet since i got to meet him while he had to be in ncs which was like a 2 min walk from my crib
gonna miss him more, fo sho.
brother ;-)

baby's been a bad boy too.
tsk tsk tsk.
he needs to control his soccer temptations.
like seriously!!!!
playing during maghrib tsk tsk tsk
maybe i'll stop liking him cause of this.
good excuse, no?
if what i'm feeling is right and you don't want this to happen...... change.

I trust you,
I Love you,
I want you,
I need you,
Baby I breathe you, Never leave you,
Life would never be the same without You.
I said I love you, I'm down for you Baby.

Trust- Keyshia Cole ft Monica.

2009-08-14T16:59:00.007+08:00

Asam Pedas Ikan Sembilang

Profiteroles

Takoyaki

Din's Sup Tulang

Smoked Salmon

Oysters Au Gratin

Chilli Crab

BBQ Stingray

Durian

Chicken in Screwpine Leaves (Pandan)

Steamed Cockles

Blueberry Cheesecake

I'M CRAVING LIKE A NINE MONTHS PREGGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-04T17:28:00.004+08:00

hi world.

my SINFUL machine is finally getting into my mom's hands, yep FINALLY.

Life's been..... blissful :)

yeah man, really. i sad sad also no use right...

come to think of it, we'll all realise that there are a lot others who are in a much horrid and terribe situation than us.

our's might be a petty thing, but probably getting out of our comfort zone and having to feel a little pain always, always makes us complain.

sigh.

this is life.

L.i.f.e.

I LOVE MDM LOKE!

she's like another mom i have in school, besides my beloved cik yam and cik yaya (canteen stall 8 aunties! )

she gives alot of good advice. Love, education, parents, everything.

hmm.

let me state something here.

you know, sometimes, when you do something for another, and you SINCERELY do it,

yet he or she keeps suspecting you and doubts you, it really gets you sometimes.

i'm feeling appaled and apprehensive towards some people lately whereby i get very harsh and rude reactions from. I'm an emotional idiot. and i'm perhaps sometimes very sensitive too, but yet i believe that its the basic courtesy for someone to smile or acknowledge another's presence.

sigh. what can you do right. this is Life.

"Hotel motel holiday inn."

Oooooooooooo Pitbull baby!

2009-07-26T18:30:00.003+08:00

Hello worllllllllllllllllllld!
it's been so long.
i am so so sorry..
alright let's talk about today.
i went for religious class and attended a preach at the mosque yesterday night.
when i recited the holy Quran today.... i felt a gush of serenity rushing through my very soul,
i felt so calm, so cleansed.
will read it more often now...
when i look back at this blog, i realised how "naughty" i've been.
oh well, its only human to err. i'm one of those i guess.
i just hope i get the right guide to the right path now.
i'm grateful for how things have been now.
:)

I shall come before all with a smile,
I shall love but not hate because Love is very POWERFUL,
I shall be patient and not flare up cause that's when shaytan comes in,
I shall not succumb to wrong deeds and have my own stand when influenced,
I shall always appreciate Allah :)

I'm so grateful to be Muslim.

hmm
alright let's digress now
I HAD DURIANS~~~
after the preach dad asked us out for dinner,
so we went to have seafood (again)
(i'm not gonna have seafood for a month i tell ya!)
then i was sooooooooooo full.
cause i DON'T like to waste food. i get annoyed when people don't finish their food.
so my mom happily made me eat her mee hong kong when i already had my rice.
that explains why i'm GENDUT!
hahah gendut gendut pun manis ok... don't play play hor.
ya then otw home dad suddenly exclaimed, "kakak nak beli durian tak!"
"NAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK" I SCREAMED.
then he swerved to the left and we stopped by a durian stall
i JUMPED out. and. i. fell.
(not gonna explain anymore)
so ya then we bought durians. D24 Okay muahahah.
then i hogged them back home tho i was full
and hogged them today
maybe later tonight also
i think i'm losing my voice.
too heaty. i still haven't satisfied my rave for other tropical fruits tho.
I WANT MORE MANGOSTEENS, more PULASANS, more LONGANS, more... blueberries and strawberries too haha they ain't tropical but i haven't had them for some time now.

i miss all my loved ones sooooooo much....!
azura,
nataida,
irsyad,
atifa,
luqman,
kak sam,
huda,
nabilah (sayangku.....),
abg rashid,
ILIYA,
amirah hanis.
haiz.
bilalah akan ku temu anda sekalian.......

but....
my family and friends are making up for the company for now i guess...
love my mom and dad. and my bro :)
i'm so glad my soulmate's alive and breathing and loving me and her hamsters despite the unexpected mishap recently.
my friends........ are bullying me MORE AND MORE now.
but i still love them.
hahaha

i hope jahahomie's fine now... glad he's found new happiness :)
i hope hafriz gets the job offer :)
i hope harman gets more time to rest since he's always resting when he's online but its like not resting
i hope hanz takes more pictures of us!!!!!
i hope miss jean gives us more ideas for more and more photos!!!!
i hope kenneth comes back from reservist soon so that......... ehem ehem
i hope i get to know miss bri more....
i hope mr roger becomes more corny cause i think he's corny but he's just hiding it
i hope myo had his yakult today. Mn ga la ba!

those people up there play a big role in my school life, maybe even more than teachers. can never thank em more for being so cute and sweet and nice and funny and random that even the gloomy days in school suddenly could become my happiest days :)

I WANT TO SMACK IMAN HAYYU AND HANISAH IN SCHOOL TOMORROW FOR BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BRUISES ON MY CALF THANKS AH

AND FARIHAH YOU BETTER STUDY WHILE WAITING FOR ME ELSE I'M NOT GONNA GO HOME WITH YOU ANYMOREEEE >:(
OK!!!!!
go make ms loo happy. later PD also happy. hik hik hik.

i'm gonna kiss both my mamas in the sch canteen tmr and chat more with the new security guard hug miss jeya and cikgu and mdm loke ( WHOM I LOVE SO MUCH NOW ) AND yes give more motivation to aunty sushila!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love these people :)

i dread the day i leave crescent because of their pleasant presence.
Allah, give me strength please :(

2009-06-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

Hijab?
Maybe.
:)
maybe yes, maybe not yet.

2009-05-21T16:22:00.003+08:00

hello worlddddd!
(:
i'm in school now, yep, miracle no? i actually brought my tpc down!
been having malay intensive, its close to four days and yes the heat's definitely wearing me out a little, but oh well, if everbody can survive through it, why can't we?
(:

malay's fun anyway...
with my dearest cikgu saifa of course, she's so funny i actually tumbled off my chair rolling on the floor laughing.
with iman... life's never the same. its never boring.
she makes me angry and happy almost at the same time.
yep, amazing, no?
hahaha yeah well, knowing me, i do the craziest things at time too, and its so fun to fight with a...... ball like iman.
teehee.
hayyu... has made my life so amazing these past few days...
could never appreciate her any more fer that. hahaha.
i tell her things that make her smile so wide, that even my heart couldn't help it, but don an amazingly wide smile too (:
life's..... been... okay i guess...
not too good, not too bad.
i'm getting the vibe that i'm falling sick soon, so i'm doing all i can to avoid that from happening as you know... missing one lesson now is as good as failing O levels, they say...
hahah, hmm what else.
yes dear blog, i know you miss me, that's exactly why i'm updating...
i miss you too.
and i guess i really need this to keep me standing on my feet,
cause life's too busy for me to let the world know what i exactly feel sometimes..

i'm missing... someone right now,
or let's say...
times we used to have.
hahaha oh well.. this is life i guess...
tomorrow's soulmate's pass out parade, gonna hafta be there fer her, cause i guess... she's gonna need a little bit more support. (we're girls after all, its okay to be emotional..)

hmm school's been interesting.
homies are great and fun to be with.
heeheehee.
i love my homies. they ain't gonna be reading this but i'm just saying it...
hahaha
oh well yes.
blog, you do know what's going on don't you?
sometimes i wish, he hadn't known anything.
but then again, i terribly refuse to agree that it was my fault!
well.. you know friends get excited for you for these kinda stuff,
but i guess, my friends get TOO excited sometimes..
sigh..
haha its normal though,
i'm used to it,
can't blame them.
alright blog... i shall go get down and pen my karangan now or cikgu saifa is gonna get me on her nerves...
heeheehee
okays bye,
take care.
peace and love yall (:

2009-05-15T01:33:00.000+08:00

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G

2009-05-15T01:06:00.002+08:00

hola wurldddddddd.
its been long, yup i know.
hehe sorryyyyyy ):
well yup yes alot of things have been going on...
changed have been made to alot of things, including myself..
hahaha
hmmm missing alot of people lately,
people like,
DIANA KASWADI
AFIQAH ZACK
IRSYAD? HAHA
DURGGA
JOWINEE
AFIQAH NCC
QIAO YI
SHERRY
AND A WHOLE LOT OF YALL

alright, thruout the entire hiatus period...
well, i made new friends.. and probably lost one along the way too.
hmm and apparently, i was entrusted with a task.
a very important task, probably as important as my Os.
and hopefully as i fulfil my requirements to ace my Os,
i'll carry out this task well.
i hope i will not break the faith of some people!

besides all that,
i'm maybe a little high on cloud 9 too..
well not all the time of course, sometimes i fall and tumble on my stressed back and feel hurt,
but i guess its all in the name of fate..
i think yall can guess..
;)
maybe i got some notes in my heart playing for someone..
but i guess, well, if its true love, true love can wait.
but he's a rare dime, people.
hahah asked my malay teacher that its pretty hard to get a guy as decent as him in society these days.
and guess what she said?
"you got him, you grab him la!!!!"
loved my uber cute malay teacher for that.
hahaha oh well, lets leave the hope of all that in the name of prayers and faith...

im gonna go sleep now,
been hooked on bejeweled blitz like it ain't no one's business yalll (bet all of yall missed that hip hop in me!)
brain's been tired, i gotta keep my hands of this sinful machine soon...
or i'll never complete beloved mdm loke's homework and get down to ace my chem to put my head up high when i see mr lee (who recently didn't make me feel very happy due to his unreasonable acts) alright, i'll buzz off nowwwwww

night wurldddddd.
peace and love, yall.
<3

2009-03-19T11:34:00.002+08:00

sometimes i look back at myself and wonder,

"am i really like that?"
it was something i've always held close to my heart

but i never thought life would bring me to a point where i would have to regret it.

words can never harm you, but yes, reality can.

situations, in reality can.

what you said today made me feel like i'm someone worth nothing in the world.

thanks.

i never regretted your presence.

i mean though we always fought and all, man, its all part and parcel of life

shit happens

today you made yourself seemed like you were the most ideal and perfect person ever existed

i felt like my dignity was being buried in the very core of this earth

i guess life's never fair, or never easy, just like what one of the many people i have a lot of respect for mentioned today

i haven't blogged for a long time.

i know

but i.. really don't want to bother anyone.

i had to do it today, i just had to

how could you?

how could you do it?

i've already had enough.

everything's against what i thought was gonna happen

its my last year in the school which i could call my home now

i want to cherish it the best way i can

i'm tired of crying,

if you don't want to stick around, you can just forget about me

i don't need you

but in any case, if you need me,

let me know.

i know i'm not a good friend, if that's how you decipher it.

no one's perfect

i'm full of flaws,

but what you did today really made me feel like i was never worth to be around with

i'm glad i spoke to you, annie.

i'm glad you were willing to listen, cause had you said no to my questions i was gonna let you know you were just gonna waste time

let's all face this harsh reality okay

its about time i be hold it back a little and let out what i really feel

i've always lived in guilt and regrets,

why?

i never got to tell some friends that i always cherished their presence

or let some who needed a reality check so they deserve the friends that they should get

not friends who would be a listening ear and go around telling people the stories they heard and just not realize that they're breaking this precious thing called trust

to my dearest girl that i spoke to two days ago,

you're amazing, in your own ways. just like everyone.

i had no idea initially why everyone was so against my decision of being close to you

it was genuine, whatever concern i had for you, what i told you, i meant it.

its absolutely your right to be repulsive about this, but all i need to say is, i always wanted to be there for you with no such thoughts that i had been poisoned with

then slowly i realized why your hypocritical friends had to say all that

it wasn't really a big matter, just a little flaw from letting you become what an amazing being you could be

i'm glad i mentioned that flaw

and i really do hope i see a change in you, so that YOU get the friends YOU deserve,

and you can get back what we used to be

hazwani,

im sorry if you ever regretted being with me,

i really wonder why a friend said it was hard for me to apologise and why she said that i always thought i was right

she barely knew me, i sould say

even then,

she could check the previous posts i've posted on this blog.

she would never be able to count the many times i apologised to my loved ones here.

just that you don't see it,

doesn't mean i don't apologise at all

everyone's born with pride and ego

and that's prolly one of the many flaws you and me have

for all i know it never came to an extent where you had to stereotype me to be ill fated and got through a friendship crisis just because of how i'm like

i'm not going to defend myself anymore

because one day when you finally realize what a person i am

you won't think of all these anymore

but what really made me bawl my eyes out today was because you had to it in front of some people i have a lot of respect for

apparently tables have been turning against me based on what i know they've heard about me

i don't really care cause i know they're mature enough to judge from their own life experiences

but whatever it is,

the reality is that we don't really know what's going on in their mind

and i don't want to lose my respect for them

i never, EVER regretted knowing you, friend

well if you ever did then i'm sorry,

terribly sorry.

very very sorry.
that's always been what you've been dying to hear no?
i'll kiss your feet even if you ask me to,
but don't you dare ever say that i never apologize
cause today, the words you've said might just have been the words that killed me.
but the again,
what doesn't kill you
only makes you stronger.

Thank you, friend. for everything.

2008-12-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

Classic.

2008-11-29T00:34:00.002+08:00

Theater Of the Mind- Ludacris
Released on 241108
Label: DTP/Def Jam

Luda worked with Scott Storch, Swizz Beatz and few other producers in this one.
I particularly loved the album cover cause of the humor element in it instead of the usual "i'm so hood" look for album covers.
I think tis one's really cute!
Look at luda's expressions!
Dope!
Few outstanding tracks from this would be..
definitely, DEFINITELY,
What them girls like, featuring sean garrett and chris brown,
One more drink, featuring t-pain,
Wish you would, featuring T.I,
and all em other tracks!

GO GET IT BABY!
peace and love yalllllllllll.

2008-11-28T23:56:00.003+08:00

Well, let's talk sexy now.
i promised to post on the connection between hip hop and well yeah, sex-iness.
nah, nothing really serious,
but imma show yall some serious lyrics that CAN make you tingle!

"sh-shh-she licked me like a lollipop;
shawty wanna thug-thug-thug;
yknow i like to touch those lovely lady lumps"
-Lollipop-Lil Wayne

"I'm your director, wanna see you sweat girl,
quiet on the set girl yeah yeaaaaah;
You be my actress, lay down on the matress;
[Verse 2 - Young Cash]
Scene 2 I'm dressed up like a police man.
Shawty broke the law,
I slam the cuffs on her hand.
Do her in the bed then I head on her rise.
She can remain silent but she screams all night.
I know so many position, come here I bout to learn ya."
-Makin' Movies- Young cash ft T-pain & Sophia Fresh

"You, you lookin good in them jeans,
I bet you look even better with me in between;
You want my hands from your bottom to the top of your frame,
& I just wanna take a ride on your curves,
& get erotic, givin your body what it deserves"
-Money Maker- Ludacris ft Pharrell

"Don't make plans for dinner,
Imma put you up on the stove,
& take off all of your clothes, girl watch me cook;
Imma catch you in the shower while you drippin wet,
Imma come and kiss your neck, You gon' kiss mine back,
how sexy is that?;
Let's make a baby, let's do something crazy"
-Year Of The Lover-Lloyd

"Baby turn around,
Spread em girls wide,
put your hands behind your head,
its gon' be a long night;
I came here for the job,
Baby we can skip the interview;
dyou like it missionary, or from the back,
or maybe you can be on top, i like it like that"
-Assume The Positions- Hot Stylz ft T-pain

Hot, no?

I kinda think it adds the fun to hip-hop.
It just sets the mood for you to go " grrrrrr i'm coming fer ye nastyyyyyyyy baby!"
So, what's cookin, good lookin?
;D

Peace and love yall.

2008-11-26T00:37:00.006+08:00

Twista ft Pharrell- Give it up

Fine as hell, Yknow you talking Skateboard P;
Now you gon' yell, He's got Skateboard Z!

The Street Information Network's been givin me lotsa lotsa music raves!
From Jamie Foxx to Mike Jones,
man, tis really dope stuff.

Craig David- Insomnia

Baby's got a new video.
Great beat, but i guess his vocal's could've been a lil better.
tis not his best tho.
but i loved, loveddddd the video cause he looks so good in it.
and it certainly feels good to have him back since 6 things (:

Dj Khaled ft Kanye West & T-pain- Go hard

Got this on my itouch about a month ago ;)
talk about exclusive music, baby.
Khaled's screamin all over his track, as usual! (he admits it, go check out his we global ft ray j, trey songz and fat joe)
Kanye's sportin auto tune, ain't no doubt for tha king, t-pain tho.
ain't no suprise that they only made this song sound better too.
loved kanye on this, and Mr Nappy Boy definitely sounded great too.

What's hip hop without sexy?
I'll show yall what lil wayne's spittin on l-ll-lllo-llllollipop, on ma next post.
await that, baby.
but for now,
peace and some good love yall.

;)

2008-11-25T00:31:00.001+08:00

Casha,
Yung Berg,
Ciara,
Lil Wayne,
Kanye West,
AND definitely, the KING of auto-tune, NAPPY BOYYYYYY AKA T-PAIN!

There're so many people using auto-tune these days!
moral of the story: AUTO TUNES ARE THA SEX BABY!

2008-11-22T23:00:00.001+08:00

soulja and bow doing their funny thang in this haha
as usual, soulja needs lots of polishing on his flow,
bow always been so hood, but i kinda think the video could've been more fresh.
i guess the crank that format doesn't go so well with this one!

2008-11-22T20:38:00.003+08:00

DOPENESS!

keri did a lot of work on her voice!

love her mannnnnnnnnnnnn.

2008-11-21T21:09:00.001+08:00

i think i'm getting a new blog yall.

2008-11-21T20:03:00.002+08:00

aye yo man whuddup people.
man, been really really hooked on the net these days,
well not exactly for communicating but mo fo music updates.

went to dope sites,
added DOPE stars on facebook/myspace.
added them because, i have BIG dreams to work wit em.
i'm bein real honest down here,
i have big, enormous, gigantic dreams.
the very first step to gitting there is, i believe, having passion.
the people i know who've been tryna git there, don't have enuff.
they been working fo the paper, fo the fame, but not enuff passion.
which is.. bad, and not gon' work!

visited Kanye West's,
BBC boys',
Brian Michael Cox's blog today.

awesome, truly awesome blogs.
i loved Mr B Cox's.
hey mr cox,
if you on this page,
tis yo gurl hollaing all the way from singapore aye!
keep doing yo thang, love em dope records you make!

people down here, as in asia/singapore,
who've been makin music, mainly hip hop music as far as i know try to expose and reach out via the net thru at the most, myspace, where they add lots and lotsa superproducers and musicians.
but as for what I know,
being a HUGE fan of hip-hop, rnb music,
its not just till there.
myspace or facebook is not just it,
they're great social networking websites which can reach out to tha WHOLE world,
but its not enough.
i'm a normal 15 almost 16 year old school girl livin an absolute normal life in singapore
who's learning a lot of things along the way while coping with singapore's tough, very tough educations system like dancing, making music and yes, how to make it one day.
most of my close connections don't know that i've been doing this since all the time.
but yeah well, its a fact because i'm not afraid to deny i have very big dreams and i don't see the impossiblility of achieving them just that i have to wait for the right time to come out there and show the world what i've got.

had i been able to go my way,
i'd prolly stopped schooling down here now (haha, really!)

but i can't,
reason being,
my very, very big obstacle;
my parents/family disapprove of me being involved in the entertainment industry at all.
prolly due to religious reasons.

i know what i should or shouldn't do, and of course my limits,
so religion's gon' be there, definitely,
but it sucks real bad not gittin the right amount of support from your loved ones,
don't yall think so?

so i'll just have to keep all of it down,
them big dreams,
until the right time.
when?
God knows.
all i know is that, i'm going to do it, and i will.
one day.
(unless God forbids and i make a drastic change of minds, willingly)

I love hip-hop, rnb.
yeah well though i only started gitting real and probed to the very depths of the hip-hop industry only when i was about say, 13,
i went all crazy about it.
hip hop fans just admire and bop their heads to the music they listen to or maybe try their best to get to know unreleased music so they know the records before they're even released.
but its a different case for me,
yeah i do check out unreleased music,
i check out the newest, freshest music videos,
and every single time i go on the net, i made it an obligation to do something with hip-hop.
i started out with myspace,
where 90% of my friends are.. stars.
that was before i had facebook.
now i've got facebook and its as dope as it can ever be!
before i hit facebook i got onto urban/hip hop music networking sites like
myghetto,
soulja boy's networking site (sodmg.com)
digitalswag,
i subscribed to sodahead,
i became a member or bow wow's xanga site (hoodstars)
and now, HSAN and i check out SINternet to get my hands on the phreshest music ever created in this world,
and.. i don't see any Singaporeans on these sites,
seen asians, not many tho.
i'm not flaunting, just stating.

and then i remembered my most memorable moments of being on myspace,
D.O.E gave a holla all the way from his hood
and gave me a comment saying sth like "HEY THANKS FOR THA ADD BABY GURL!"
i was flabbergasted.
i was so starstruck, i mean the dudes who worked with timbaland and keri hilson on the record that people never got tired of, The Way I Are, actually stopped by MY page?!
I was totally O.O

and then i got updates from all my favourite stars from both facebook and myspace,
from P.diddy all the way to Claude Kelly,
From Timbaland to Scott Storch,
From The Neptunes to Mr B.Cox,
From Konvict Muzik to Kanye West.

And then i connected with the hip-hop community from L.A,
New York,
Perth,
wherever,
but it was hard to communicate with them because of the timings here and there.

it was really fun,
gittin to know guys who've been doin their own thang,
gurls who drool over the same kind of guys i like,
it was an awesome experience!

my point here is:
what's so funny about me adding so much stars and going crazy?
well truth is, I AM CRAZY!
I'm crazy over auto-tunes, double beats, breakdancing, popping and locking,
spitting some really crazy rhymes, in other words,
HIP-HOP.
i add stars, so?
if they wish to accept me, i'll be more than glad!
if they don't, i'm totally fine with it.

and yes,
who knows,
one day YOU might want to add me instead?
Oh well.
AIGHT till here world,
i'm ghostin.
peace & love yall.

2008-11-21T00:03:00.001+08:00

Diva is a female version of a hustla.

She is... Sasha Fierce!

2008-11-20T13:30:00.003+08:00

HEHEH amidst the mom-screaming, head thumping, townsick, fucklife moments,

THIS MADE ME SMILE!

YEAH WELL I KNOW ITS STUPID, MIGHT NOT BE HIM,

BUT HELL YEAH WHO CARES!

2008-11-18T23:18:00.006+08:00

I found a new love.

He likes what I like, I mean, look at em dope bapestas!

He works with the LV don, and em big stars.

He appears on big fashion magazines.

He models/designs for Louis Vuitton.

He makes beats that kill, and owns a fucking sexy voice.

He is fuckingly fuckable.

Pharrell Williams,

you got me.

2008-11-17T17:37:00.002+08:00

okay well haha people's been asking me to update my bloggg,
and yeah right now,
LIFE SUCKS TO THE MFING CORE.
why?
history repeated, the same fcking process all over again.
haiyah,
but i've learn to like swallow it one at a time la
hopefully i'll be able to go out soon.
yes. GO OUT, imma hafta do the same ol routine cause if i don't,
i won't be able to go out.

i have(was supposed) to:
meet marshall,
meet nataida when she hits here,
meet azura ''
meet greg and yeah well you too, valentino.
learn stepping/breaking from ehem, THE MAN.
hit starbucks, coffee bean and get the good ol dulche de eche if still available
shop. ( i was supposed to get my fucking pair of dunks now i can't get them and i'm so fucking dry of cash)
watch a mill movies, at the cinema and AT homies' cribs too
call homies over for a fucking good lunch cooked by ehem me based on nigella lawson and jamie oliver's recipes,
have sleepovers,
hang out and dance with last minute crew,
HIT THAT FUCKING UNDERAGED PARTY DOWN AT MOS/ZOUK ORGANIZED BY ZUL WHICH WAS PURPOSEFULLY HELD AROUND 20TH-27TH DEC SO THAT I COULD CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOW I CAN'T DO ALL THATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
):
i can't,
i fucking can't.

btw today i came down to sch thinking there was pbmc cause SOMEONE told me there was pbmc,
but there WASN'T.
and i brought my tang yuan down cause i rmbred ilya asking for it and iman wanted to taste it,
but there was no one,
ilya had np, couldn't come and talk to me,
so i hung out at the TA.
it was fun talking to jahahomie.
he was nice and it felt really good talking to him bout my fucking life now.
so jahahomie, if you're reading this,
thanks for the company(:
and for eating the balls, TANG YUAN LA WALAO SICKOS.

to zak, as in not the zak-zak from acsi,
i mean, anotha zak,
get the fucking hell outta my life and stop bothering me thank you.
to dy,
i'm sorry, you're gonna find a better one out there bruh. tkcare.

AHHHHHHHHHHH I WANNA GO OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
fuck em mafucking teachers man.
seriously, you haven't known a fucking thing from the start and you have no idea why i did all that so please, fucking keep your fucking opinions to your mafucking self!!!!!
to those teachers who've got my respect from the start,
yall know i wouldn't want to lose the respect i have for yall,
so keep it low alright,
approach me calmly, cause if you were to do it like i've got myself pregnant with a sickass horny clubber down the streets, imma do it as though you just spat in my face and got suspect wimme.

i have no idea why i'm cursing so much.
i need a life.
i need good friends.

i don't need YOU.

annie, hazzie, iman, fadhil, fadhli, marshall, di, su, durgga, sath, ali, shameer, hanisah, hazel, zoey, jie ying, yuin yi, fang jun, cikgu saifa, mdm low, mr ravi, nataida, azura, jessica, tre, lindsay, rasheedah, nico, omarion, soulja boy, bow wow, CRAIG DAVID, shah rukh khan, chris brown, erik saradpon, neyo, myghetto, sodmg.com, digitalswag, myspace,
I MISS YALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

OH God.
gimme faith.
i shouldn't be saying all these.
i'm gonna delete this post.
but not now,
i mean,
i gotta let it all out right?
grrrrrrrr
okay bye if you see me tmr please make me happy and hug me and kiss me do anything you want with me that makes you and me happy okay kidding but i wanna be happy so please make me laugh and smile and spend more time with me cause i've got no more life to enjoy and i really really wanna make most outta the time i have with ma friends and other people in sch that i love so please yeah don't make my blood boil like You did today but i forgive you cause i love you as much as i love my passion and no more emotional blackmail thanks <3

2008-10-31T00:58:00.003+08:00

dad's recuperating, but he still can't walk properly.
i'm kinda worried bout his back and the inflammation on his thumbnail ):
well anyways,
been connecting real well with my family these days though!

i tried making tang yuan today,
and i was so so so excited on making it okay!
okay firstly i added some water to the flour i found,
and i was so happy when it started to thicken,
but, it ended up thick, and runny and the same time.
i kept adding flour and water,
until i REALISED,
it was TAPIOCA STARCH >:( grrrr.
kay then after that i found another flour,
so i mixed the flour with a lil water and made it into a dough,
then added some red colouring so that it'll turn into a pretty shade of pink.
rolled em into say, 20 balls?

kay after that i made some sugar syrup,
and placed the balls into the boiling syrup la.
mom came home during that and scolded me,
saying that glutinous rice won't cook in sugar syrup!

okay so then i had to throw away 20 hardshit balls which couldn't cook (sayang kan!!!)
i was so so so sad la
but i din give up.

i made another about 10 balls and this time,
i cooked them in normal water.

after about ten minutes,
the balls turned out hard too! )));
i was almost crying la!
but,
i still din give up!

i thought maybe since i used the same spoon to stir the sugar syrup while cooking the balls, they couldn't cook.

so i rolled another about 5 balls.
then my mom SCREAMED at me,
and i realised i used RICE FLOUR,
instead of GLUTINOUS RICE FLOUR!!!!!!!!!
walao heart pain can heart pain!!!!!!!!!!!!
so after than i rolled the balls again,
but this time, out of glutinous rice flour.
and boyyyy,
they looked so soft and bouncy!
after they're cooked, i soaked them into sugar syrup, which had the aroma of pandan leaves.
they looked so peaceful, so white, and so.. cute!

so finally: MISSION TANG YUAN SUCCESSFUL!

it tasted heavenly.
i mean like after all those trials,
i finally got soft squishy rice balls to eat.
yummeh.
(i'll make some for my lovelies too okay?)

MORAL OF THE STORY:
NEVER GIVE UP,
AND, USE ONLY GLUTINOUS RICE FLOUR TO MAKE TANG YUAN :D

2008-10-29T00:03:00.004+08:00

to dearest nurul iman bte mohd taib and durgga d/o krishnan,

I LOVE YOU!

when everything was falling,

and nobody's calling,

you two were there for me.

i feel indebted, really.

thank you so much from the big bottom of my very big heart hehehe.

i love you two.

it feels so good, just so good, to see dad before my eyes now.

I love you ayah.

you'll get well soon,

your girl's rooting for you!

it hurts so much to see you in pain, but i know God's doing this for a reason, and i appreciate Him for that.

some friends, are friends after all.

2008-10-28T00:31:00.003+08:00

i just got back from visiting,
i bet all my friends are asleep,
but i just can't sleep.

and truth is that,
i have a lot of things in mind to ponder about.

and i really miss having someone to spend these sleepless nights with me.
someone to love,
someone who loves me,
someone who really wants to spend every moment with me,
someone who always makes me laugh and blush while talking on the phone,
someone who won't sleep to get me some company,
someone who appreciates me for who i am, straight out.
i miss having someone.

maybe i shouldn't have just let him go.
but he's happy now.
And the one who's made me leave him to lead his own life.
i'm waiting for that one.
and still waiting.
and will always wait.
just like how it's like everytime i'm in love, right?

how i wished nights weren't so lonely.

friends?
don't mention them.

2008-10-28T00:06:00.003+08:00

):
pms sucks.
but was it really pms?
haha oh well i've been going through a lot of crap.
probably that's why i'm going crazy at times and get high when everyone else is not.

sometimes behind the laughter you see, is a whole lot of heart piercing pain making it crazy

to You.
stop doing all that crap.
stop making me feel like i'm your maid.
stop making me feel like i'm a piece of shit when i can't do what you want me to.

to another You.
you've... changed.
you asked me not to talk to you didn't you?
okay i'm not gonna.
you asked for it.
i'm sick of all this.

to another You.
thank you for all the rolling eye gestures which would in turn make me laugh instead of getting mad at you.
cause i love you just the way you are.
but its sometimes so hard to cry in front of you and tell you how i really feel cause i just can't.
seeing you happy makes me happier than seeing others happy.
i'm sorry if i'm a little too much at times.

to another You.
(though you'll NEVER read this)
i'll always love you.
and only You.
and i'll never let go of Faith to always believe in You.

to Nataida.
I LOVE YOU.
and i miss you, really really really miss you.
take care, ace your O's,
and we'll chat like we've not spoken for ten years okay?

you know how it feels to sacrifice so much for a bunch of lovely people but they fail to see the love and sincerity you mean but instead turn their backs against you?
that's exactly how i'm feeling right now.

so many smiles,
so many lies.
i'd really appreciate if you can get real and not front just because you want something for me.

sometimes i feel i dedicated more of my life to my friends than my family.
in terms of FINANCE, care and CONCERN.
i hate it when i try to suggest something good for someone, FULL OF SINCERITY but they'll end up saying, "YOU JUST WANT ME TO DO THIS BECAUSE ITS FOR YOUR BENEFIT RIGHT?"

like what the fuck man?
if you really think i'm THAT kind of friend,
YOU truly don't deserve to be my friend.
but then again,
i'm emotional. so what i'll do is forgive and forget and let the whole process repeat again,
and at the same time,
BE USED BY OTHERS.

how happening is that?
I'm sorry.
i just needed to let it all out.

Marshall, i miss you ):
please call me and make me laugh again.
thank you.

seeing you smiling on your facebook pictures,
is the only thing that can make me carve a little good, real, sincere smile on my face.
i love You.
only, You.

2008-10-25T03:13:00.003+08:00

All of yall tryna do some frontin,
but i ain't gon sit and stare like its nothin,
somethin's not right causin me some botherin,
imma show the world what you call rappin.

em dope fellas are phresh to tha def,
their feet donned wit white million aires,
take a mirror; take a look at yoself,
does a dope emcee think bout increasing bus fares?

an atlanta brave's sittin on top of ya head,
you tarnished the image with a pair of skinnies,
along with a dance-off only to show you're afraid,
while sportin' a tee which says, "I love minahs with minis".

funny, no?
i'm just foolin around :D ( cause i'm bored and can't sleep )
THOSE LINES ARE ORIGINAL BTW.

2008-10-25T02:39:00.003+08:00

event postponed to 1st novvvvvvvv!
so those who knew about the whole hosting this, its next saturday yah(:
i had fun during rehearsal today.
met a whole bunch of new friends!
sufian is one really dope dude.
azli's nice, so is zul!
yeah and i'm kinda part of his media project so yuppppp
he's got his prev one done wit syed azmir/fizah nizam and a whole bunch of celebs from suria i heard.
he's got goooood directing skills (now that i've checked his vids out)
cept' that they're a tad messy at times.
and talking about the ever-increasing hip hop community in singapore,
zul's got a crew yall!

man i swear he's so real to tha def when he spits tips bout recruiting a crew.
go youtube last minute crew.
i think they're dope stuff!
zul's really nice too :D

okay now now,
hip hop's so gittin to tha roots of us malay people don'tcha think so naw?
i mean like,
i was at esplanade last wednesday and i see hip hoppers everywhere.
with em baggy sweat pants, TRUCKER CAPS, killer scarves and dope kicks.
i mean, no, that's not REAL hip hop yet.
what bothers me is that, if you're still a mat with trance and techno raves in your phone and you're gitting that atlanta braves or new york yankee trucker and sport a pair of kicks just for the sake of it, you're just spoiling the whole hip-hop image.
if you're makin a six-step look like an incomplete three step or even worse, a one step,
don't continue.
i saw a dude, who was tryna create a backflip and his friends were all like clapping around him and all that when it wasn't even successfull and he was giving the "yeahhhh man im dope" look and i was like wtf?
i'm not tryna say i'm perfect or whatever.
i dance, but compared to people i've seen, i'm nothing. NOTHING.

I just hate to see the typical mat.minah community git associated with hip hop.
if you wanna be hip hop, be real hip hop.
not by gitting yoself a hoodie along bugis street with the typical star prints all over for 17 bucks and get a trucker cap with just a size sticker on it and put on a pair of dunks and then try to breakdance/shuffle/jumpstyle with it.
no pun intended.
i'm just voicing out my opinion.

well, amidst all that,
i came across reallllllllllllll hip hop enthusiasists too!
the good ol krump style with the delicate c-walk steps and awesome head spins were spotted at the space before the escalator that leads to city hall mrt station from esplanade.
they looked really gooooood!
i saw some choreographed routines carried out by a group of chinese guys there.
loved how they moved to em double beats.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh it always feels so good to let some hip hop out.
haven't been spittin shit like this fer a longggg time.
so yup, here goes.
oh yeah,
speakin of which,
i got to know of the first ever hip hop festival in sg or sumthin?
its held on marina bay and called float! i fink.

ooooooooh and kanye/rihanna/lil jon's hitting sg next week!
so iman if you come across the lv don make sure ye say hi fer ye sil aye!
i think i sound drunk.
with all em hip hop lingo.

oh snap.
i miss marshall (!!!)

okay btw,

yall gotta check these smexy music videos!
superhuman-chris brown ft keri hilson
return the flavor-timbaland ft keri hilson
womanizer-britney spears
kanye west- love lockdown
BEYONCE-IF I WERE A BOY (she's lookin tight on this one. loved her jawline!)
BEYONCE- SINGLE LADIES
chopped and screwed-t-pain ft ludacris

go check em out!!!

aight yall im ghosting!
peace and love.

Every time I look at you,
I see more reasons to leave you;
& it's causing me too much pain.
I said boy, this ain't easy for me,
at least the truth is coming out.

2008-10-20T23:35:00.003+08:00

Feel it in my soul cause I’ve tried, oh baby
Tried to keep you satisfied.

I said baby I’m sorry,
I think its time we I let go

2008-10-19T19:49:00.003+08:00

i feel so guilty right now ):
i'm sorry, faith.
shouldn't have just let go like that.
i'm so sorry.
no, definitely not another one.
):

hari raya visiting was fun fun funnn
with iman and fadhillah and hazzie and dian and aisyah and wani and nazreen and other lovely people around!
my heels broke at the end of the day, barefooted all the way to bedok from bukit batok.
haha i don't know what's got into me until i cried i think.
sorry for the trouble girls,
you guys were so sweet.
gonna get something for each and every one of you when i can okay.
i need to bake.
something's really bothering me in my head.
):

EH I WANT TO BUY PUNJABI SUIT DURING DEEPAVALI!
who want to follow who want to follow!
tell me kay tell me kay.
and yeah i wanna catch nights in rodanthe and do some hindi movie marathon tooooooo
who wanna join who wanna join!
tell me okay.

today i had this convo with hazzie:
hazzie: eh you know today my hamster gave birth to 3 babies, but one died, now left two already!
me: omg so sad!!!
hazzie: ya and the ma is like not doing anything about it la, she's not even taking care of them!
me: walao then you take it out from the cage la
hazzie: cannot. once i touch the babies the ma won't recognize the babies anymore and she'll ignore them

i was concerned, but was chuckling in my heart! heehee.
she's so adorable.

AND YES.
haiyoh i bet you all are like known to the whole SIL thing between me and iman!
IMAN YOU AHHHHHHH tmr i'm gonna pinch/kiss your cheeks like crazy.
hmph.
i play play only right must tell the whole world ah!
aiyoyoyo.

alright lovelies.
love yall.
take care (:

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going gone away
My only weakness is you
My only reason is you
Every minute with you
I feel like I can do
Anything
Going going I'm gone away
In love

get the hell outta my life, you fuckhead.

2008-10-10T00:36:00.002+08:00

oh no.
i found another pixie ear!
oh no oh no oh no.
this is so bad.

today,
my mom was telling people about my habits.
met my cousins and they told me some i never knew i had.

- i like to fall asleep abruptly and wake up and then get high.
- i like to interrupt and then make someone continue where i stopped them.
- i like goaties.
- i like STAMMMERRRRR grrr damn irritating my tongue muscle sth wrong due to sth laaaaa!
- i smile when i'm not supposed to.
- i laugh when i'm not supposed to.
- i wink with both eyes at the same time.
- i like to make people eat HAHA
- i'm very makcik
- i like to make people scared for teasing me
- i act cute (i am!!!)
- i panic.
- i'm funny.
- i tell jokes which only I myself find funny
- i annoy myself easily
- i am more happy when i'm comfortable
- i care more about what i think than others think about me cause sometimes they just don't know the truth. (tho sometimes tis not the case)
- i love being loved.
- i love adorable kids. (adorable ones onlyyyy)
- i'm motherly.
- i'm encouraging/persuasive.
- i like to act like i know sth when i don't then i anyhow say (hehehehehhhh)
- i loveeeeee to kiss and hug people AND force them to hug back
- i like to compliment people and really mean it.
- i'm vain when i wear make-up.
- i like to make others pretty.
- i love heels.
- i'm scared of my mother.
- i like cabbing.
- i'm crazy.

i don't want to curse.
but i'm hating you more each time i see you.
you made me hate you, i'm sorry.
i don't think i'm right,
i KNOW i am.

kay i damn beat now chiowzzzzz people.

-

2008-10-04T00:17:00.003+08:00

farewell assembly.
missed it.

i guess parents are as unpredictable as they can ever be towards their kids man.
wth.
i'm not gonna blog about it.
stupidpieceofshithead.

okays,
raya's been...
okay i guess.
i remember how i totally didn't want to raya at all before it actually arrived,
but i seem to be getting the mood now.
(:
can't wait for next thursday!

alright,
3 more days and all's over.
SCREWED math and ss for now.
not planning to screw anymore.
(cause i got no more nails anw HAHA OKAY LAME LA LAME)

SHUCKS SHUCKS SHUCKSSS
breathe's coming on the 1st of next month and i haven't gotten my mates to learn the choreo yettttttttt
how siaaaaaa
i feel like backing off from the whole thing ):
and Insya-Allah, with proper training this hols,
i might want to recruit a crew for suntec dance next year or maybe appear as a soloist?
haha iye iye jeeeeer.
not confirmed yet la.

this year's soloist winna was fine as hellllllll.
his moves were the dopest i've seen amongst all that competed.
kelvin's tha name, if i ain't wronggggggg

oh yah,
do look out for my class on the 14th yaaaaaaaaa
we're all gon do s beezy's crank dat dance yalll
and yes its mass dance, so cheer and groove wit us aight!
i know jie ying's damn excited fer this!

AND OH YES,
IF hafriz's TheHafriz of Teban,
Iman's TheIman of Queenstown,
and I am, TheNazeera of Bedok.
cool kanzzzzzxzxzxzx.

OH YAH,
i'll update some dope songs here for yall aight.

What em gurls like- ludacris ft chris brown & sean garrett
Year of the lover- Lloyd
She got her own (Miss independent remix)- Neyo ft jamie foxx & fabolous
Big white spaceship- Timbaland ft iman's husband, Mr Pharrell Williams
Flying solo- Chris brown ft Dr dre
Wake it up- E40 ft akon
T-shirt-Shontelle
Green light- John legend ft andre 3000
Ay ay ay- taio cruz
Cookie jar- gym class heroes ft the dream
Can't believe it- t-pain ft lil wayne

oh yes,
cassie's official gurl finally hit the stations this month,
but i must say,
her track.. seems to be lacking something.
& i didn't expect lil wayne to not work his magic on this one!

aight,
i'm bouncin!
peace and love, yall.

2008-09-25T23:01:00.001+08:00

>:(

>:(

>:(

>:(

>:(

I lost two good friends today.

Gidday.

2008-09-21T22:52:00.003+08:00

can't let go, its too strong.

to the pakcik i met over the streets of geylang,
please take care.
I hope God would bless him with a little bit more strength.
if not His, he can take mine.
my strength, my happiness, my very soul.
just look after him.
he was so pitiful,
so, weak yet so strong.
and there he was with a pair of baju kurung in his hand, and money in his other one.
and a constant will to live in him.
why's life so unfair?
why the injustice?

he was so weak, before HUNDREDS of people there HAPPILY shopping for HARI RAYA, with loads and loads of energy, though fasting or maybe even not, YET NO SINGLE SOUL HELPED HIM?!
and the one that helped him WAS NOT EVEN A MUSLIM?!
he was so so so weak if the wind blew he could've even landed on his back.
AND HE WAS FASTING.
his hands were curled in, and his feet were kinda undeveloped, making him disabled.
but his will, his strength, his faith were NOT at all.
he could even afford alot more smiles for us who were there.
(thanks dad)
i just felt so affected upon seeing that cause he made me realise what a freak i've been all this while.
i don't think i even deserve to breathe on God's earth.
maybe its about time He takes my life and give it to someone who needs it more than i do.

Teng Shu Min says:
hey be happy alright?
Nazeera says:
i'll try.
Teng Shu Min says:
thank you
Teng Shu Min says:
for my sake
Teng Shu Min says:
and for the other people around you
Nazeera says:
i know. shumin, you're making me cry.
Teng Shu Min says:
you are too emotional. try to calmdown a bit. haha
Nazeera says:
its hard.
Teng Shu Min says:
i know
Teng Shu Min says:
but still
Teng Shu Min says:
for OUR sake

you know something?
i hate troubling my friends.
i HATE IT.
i think most of them have enough to handle and don't want them to get hold of another mess like me. (yes annie, hazzie, di, dg, azura, natasha, iman, jenna, rezwana, sharifah, andrea, shu min)
i, i just don't want to be living with the guilt that i probably spoilt their mood on one of the days of their life.
i hate crying in front of them too,
but to haters who think otherwise,
i'm sorry.
sometimes my tears just couldn't hold back.
I'm not alright.
NOT AT ALL.
and even if i say i am, i'm not.

you'll see me laughing like a freak and smiling like sunshine tomorrow.
but the coldness in me's beating me from the inside, draining all of my soul.
and all of you,
all of my beloved people
won't get to see it.
(:

Beautiful Letdown. says:
do you plan to pass?
Nazeera says:
i've always failed my whole life (:
Beautiful Letdown. says:
then maybe you have failed to be my friend.

maybe i have.
maybe its good that way.
you won't have to waste your time on me.
and yeah you know you can always have mine.

You have no idea how that one line's able to make me weep my entire life.

why don't you love me?
the way i loved you?
it feels so crazy,
cause i've no idea what i did to you.
if you're gonna hurt me,
please,
do it quickly.

cause i'm tired of crying.

wished that i could move on.

2008-09-16T00:36:00.002+08:00

I was tagged by one of my bestest, Nataida(:

Rules:
1 The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2 Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3 At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 12.58
Name: Nazeera Mohamed
Sisters: One
Brothers: One.
Shoe size: 8-9
Height: 165cm
Where do you live: Singapore
Favourite drinks: Bubble Tea hahah
Favourite breakfast: French toast

Have you ever
Been on a plane: Yes.
Swam in the ocean: Ocean, no. Sea, yes.
Fallen asleep at school: All the time.
Broken some one's heart: Yes.
Fell off your chair: YES.
Saved e-mails: Yeahhhhhh

What is your room like: Painted white with a tint of teal and surrounded with purple and green furniture.
What's right beside you: Nothing.
What is the last thing you ate: Pralines.

Ever Had
Chicken pox: Nah.
Sore throat: Yehhh
Stitches: Nope.
Broken nose: Haha nahhhh.

Do you
Believe in love at first sight: Well, yes.
Like picnics: Definitely(:

Who was were the last person
You danced with: Hayyu
Last made you smile: Azura

Today did you
Talk to someone you like: I LIKE ANNIE HAHA
Kissed anyone: My mum.
Get sick: Yeah ):
Talk to an ex: Almost.
Miss someone: Yes.
Eat: Yeahhhhhh.

Best feeling in the world: Being in love with the one you love.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Sometimes.
What's under your bed: The floor.
Who do you really hate: Corrupts.
What time is it now: 1.07am

Random
Is there a person who is on your mind now: Yes.
Do you have any siblings: Yes.
Do you want children: Definitely!
Do you smile often: Yeahhhhhhh (:
Do you like your hand-writing: Rarely.
Are your toe nails painted: Nahhh.
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: Parent's.
What color shirt are you wearing now: Red.
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: Was at grandma's crib, catching up wit cousins before breakin fast.
When did you cry last: Yesterday.
Are you a friendly person: Yep!
Do you have any pets: Nah.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now: Probably on his bed.
Did you hold hands with the person who means anything to you now: Wished i could.
Do you sleep with the TV on: Sometimes.
What are you doing right now: This.
Have you ever crawled through a window: Yessssss
Can you handle the truth: We all hafta, haven't we?
Are you too forgiving: Sadly, yes.
Are you closer to your mother or father: Both, really.
Who was the last person you cried in front of: Hazwani.
How many people can you say you've really loved: Define Love.
Do you eat healthy: Nah, not really.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex: Never took one.
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you: Yes.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time: Both.
Are you confident: Nope.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1 Was a malay dancer/netballer
2 Received Edusave every year without fail
3 Was being a very very very mischievious little girl
4 Had a mill and one crushes
5 Was a very vain kid

5 things on my to-do list
1 Lit e learning assignment
2 History graded assignmentS
3 SLEEP.
4 Study.
5 Choreograph.

5 snacks I enjoy
1 HONEY STARS
2 Bananas
3 Pastries
4 Candy
5 Finger food (damn unhealthy i know!)

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1 SHOP.
2 TRAVEL.
3 DONATE.
4 Save it.
5 Build Mosques/Madrasahs.

5 of my bad habits
1 I procrastinate like no one's business.
2 Sleep when its boring.
3 NEVER tuck in my school uniform/ Change into my blouse
4 Very emotional
5 Can be kinda paranoid at times

5 places I have lived in:
1 Singapore
2 Singapore
3 Singapore
4 The hospital (When I was born)
5 My mom's womb :D

5 jobs I've had
1 Student.
2 Friend.
3 Sister.
4 Daughter.
5 (Lover)

I TAG!
1 Hazwani!
2 Annie
3 Durgga
4 Diana
5 Sharifah

2008-09-13T22:31:00.002+08:00

Who do you think resembles them? ;)

2008-09-13T22:14:00.002+08:00

Life is such a crazy thing,
It's never always what it seems.

No games,
I wantchu exclusive,
There's no more excuses,
The feeling's so right.

I really love your company,
I hate it when you gotta leave,
Another opportunity for me to say everything,
So tell me if i'm buggin,

The way you look at me like that,
I wanna say something,
But i don't know how you're gonna react;

Baby we should just do this.

2008-09-13T00:07:00.006+08:00

its 6.10am (i think),
and i didn't sleep a SINGLE bit mannnnnnn.
haha nat, proud of me not?
heehee.

anyways,
i learnt alot over the night.

and i can never thank God enough for letting me meet His being
who goes by the name of,
Natasha Aida.

We had a lot of shortcomings in our friendship/sisterhood,
but i'm glad to have someone as wonderful as you by my side (:

and the same way goes for you too,
anything, anything can happen to me, but nothing is ever able to change the fact that i'd be there for you too.

I love you.

alright, here comes another list of magical little earthlings who've kept me in the bliss of happiness, friendship and company:

Hazwani
Annie
Iman
Hayyu
Durgga
Rezwana
Andrea
Hanisah
Sharifah
Nasuha
Hazel
Venus
Jie Ying
Jessie
Jenna
Shu Xian
Jocelyn
Yuin Yi
Fang Jun
Shu Min
Jollin
Michelle
Valerie
Diana
Sulastri
Amanda Tan
Sherry
Afiqah
Qiao Yi
Shireen (Mutallib)
Ilya ;)
Salwa ;)
Ateeq

Mdm Low,
Cikgu Saifa,
Cikgu Kartinie,
Miss Ang,
Mr Poon,
Mdm Ho,
Miss Vicky,
Miss Li,
Miss Fazylah,
Mr Ravi,
Mrs Rupa,
Miss Azrina,
Miss Chee,
Mrs Tan,
Miss Lin,
Mr Eugene Seow,
Mrs Lau,
Miss He,
Miss Lim.

<3:
Natasha Aida Abdullah
Nur Azura
Afiqah Zack

Kyle ;)
Shameer
Samm

I thank every single one of you (sorry if i missed out some! you know you make a difference to me, and what's important is you KNOW it) for every single smile carved on my face. You may be wondering what you did; you don't have to. Seeing anyone of you here smiling back at me's enough to make my whole day yknow?

I love all of You!

They can take tomorrow and the plans that we made,
They can take the future that we'll never know,
All the broken dreams, Take everything,
Just take it all away But, they can never have Yesterday.

2008-09-10T15:42:00.003+08:00

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory,
Cause I put too much energy in him and me,
Can't wait till I get through this phase cause its killing me,
Too bad we can't rewrite our own history.

Such as mystery when he's here with me ,
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely,
Chances fading now, Patience running out,
This ain't how its supposed to be.

How do we reverse the chemistry?
I don't want us to be the end of me. I don't, I really don't!

Why are you back?
Go, go away i don't want to have you back.
Don't ever come back.

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ))):
I threw away my shortlived memories with you,
BUT YOU CAME BACK.
YOU CAME BACK.
YOU.
CAME.
BACK

"Slowly it started to hold me and it got me thinking,
that she ain't control me."

"Feelings ovewhelming, but it tells me I can't stay for too long"

"Things that don't happen at all"

"I'm thinking she could probably be My Spy"

Well true enough I may just be Your Spy.

2008-09-10T12:47:00.003+08:00

not been going to sch for 3 days now,
thank God i'm getting better.
its still.. bad but hell yeah i can't bear to hear all these coming in from my lovely friends.
I miss them crazyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

after all, i need to come.

Sometimes Life just hadda make me wonder,
why were we born to feel emotions,
having it to change now and then,
how you develop notions for somebody for a period of time,
then it gets gone,
you move on,
but again,
it comes back.

Why?
Why does HE have to come back, making those painful, heart-ripping memories fresh again?
I cursed so much, cursed him so much
I hated him, hated him for making me love him
but then again,
after i went on, moved on, became unstraight/ acting like a fucking bi/ forgot about my shortlived memories with him,
HE JUST HAD TO COME BACK!

P/S:
Its funny how i texted you, telling you i need you and you didn't reply
(not you, hazwani, not you)
so much for being a good friend.
i feel like i've never known you.
thank YOU,
for this,
you bloody two faced bitch.
now its just your boyfriend and her right?
good.
cause now, you don't even deserve to be my friend anymore.

2008-09-06T02:30:00.002+08:00

& Of course,
the Man responsible for my tears each time
his fingertips touches the keyboard,
piecing every pitch of a beautiful note,
into a magnificent, magical musical masterpiece,

Mr David Sides(:

2008-09-06T02:24:00.002+08:00

its close to 3 am,

still awake,

and i'm loving this guy even more.

Shaffer Chimere Smith;

2008-09-06T00:23:00.002+08:00

Yo yo yo.

nice not nice not the pic?

I edit one okayyy ehehe

it speaks a thousand words though,

well at least, for me that is.

haha life's been.. boring.

not been studying (I CAN'T concentrate)

been suffering from a real bad allergy

(swollen lips, rashes EVERYWHERE.)

i don't know if i can even make it to sch on mon,

but i'm missing all my friends ):

terribly.

p/s: i miss you too zoey. we all miss you ):

ahhhhhhhh this sucks cause i know i needa study.

I NEED to study.

i only have my chem book wimme now.

OKAY remind me:

cikgu's paper 2's STILL WITH ME.

gotta do her karangan.

do chem ws.

study emath.

AND LIT E LEARNING GRRRR i'm so sorry mrs rupa

and oh physics bleh.

and okay anyone wanna break fast wimme sometime next week?

text/msg me okay.

I MISS my brothers.

I miss nataida too ):

AND YES,

I CANNOT DRINK BUBBLE TEA FROM REDHILL FOR ANOTHER 20+ MORE DAYS!!!!

gonna miss the sexy chick who sells it too

she's very pretty i love her smile hehe.

okay i need to go shop for heels/accessoriessssssss

and bagsssssss

MAX,

i need you, yo.

we'll hit Mango some time after your O's eh?

imma happy but annoyed and bored kid today

Thank you Allah.